I believe, therefore I am

This is the email sent by Spike, who is an office assistant. His only responsibility is to collect mails from the mail office and distribute it to the staff across all departments. I've seen him come around every morning and doing his job with a smile most times. But what struck me hard was this email. Anyone can bring about a change, all it takes is the WILL to steer!

Here it is -

"

Hi everyone,

Over the last 6 months, I have endeavoured to streamline the mail system in place here and have tried to make sure that all unwanted junk is sent as return to sender/ remove from mailing lists so as to cut down on the amounts of unwanted pieces of paper circulating around.

Can I ask everyone for some help?

If you have any junk mail that you do not wish to receive on a regular basis can I ask that instead of just ripping it up and binning it that you leave this in an appropriate place for collection by me so that I can have it removed from the companies mailing lists.

If we all start to do this then you will receive less unwanted junk, there will be less rubbish accumulated therefore requiring less work for cleaning staff and also saving resources. We may even save a tree or two over the years as well !


Many thanks for your help in this matter,

"

Here're my two cents ..

To the readers of this blog,

* Do not print emails, documents or articles unless absolutely necessary.

* Please carry a green shopping bag with you and avoid the plastic bags at the grocery store as far as possible.

You never know the impact these two little acts of yours might have!

Wanted to record my feeling after I got out of that 4 hour drill called viva on the 3rd September, but it took my 4 days to recoup and now i can't remember much to record. But yeah, for records sake " Am officially Chitra Balakrishna, PhD ". Woah! what a journey that was of 3 years 9 months!
Nothing could have changed me to the extent I have changed temperamentally, attitudinally and even physically ( talking about the salt n pepper hair) but for the PhD experience.
Well, I can finally say .. I did it and I did it my way !

"Any piece of knowledge I acquire today has a value at this moment exactly proportional
to my skill to deal with it. Tomorrow, when I know more,I recall that piece of knowledge
and use it better."

-Mark Van Doren



" Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want!"

-Dr. Randy Pausch

"There is a pleasure in the pathless woods;
There is a rapture on the lonely shore;
There is society where none intrudes;
By the deep sea and music in its roar
I love not man the less, But Nature more .. "
--Lord Byron

These are the lines with which the movie "Into the Wild" begins, These lines struck a deep chord within me and forced me down the memory lane. Will write about the movie some other time or may be not but its one of the best movies of recent times.

I was some 12 or 13 years old , when I used be an active trekker/hiker. We were a group of 10 who went on a one day trek to a small rocky hillock, a place called kabbal durga. During the course of our trek .. the group spread thin and wide, I happened to be the first to get across the cliff to the peak, there were absolutely no humans around, there was this strange quiet, could see the world below , green patches , blue lake , some birds around.. I stretched on one of the rocks and looked up the sky, simply reveling in that ambience for about 15 minutes before i was joined by a friend who had made it to the top. I never experienced that sort of blissfull happiness ever after that .. .. This movie took me straight back to those 15 minutes ..

Its a shame that I haven't gone on a trek in almost 8 or 9 years now, have been so busy making a living ! heck.
Well, a promise to myself today ..will surely trek the welsh valleys this summer.

Brave are those, who can listen to their antar-aatma (inner self =~ conscience) and are able to act accordingly.

But, what if your conscience contradicts your faith, your belief system?

" The land of my fathers is dear unto me.
Old land where the minstrels are honoured and free "

This is an incident i had to record many months ago, am doing it now before it got out of my memory. It was last summer when I lived in a flat about 20 minutes by walk from my office. I pass by this long residential stretch on my way to office, it has houses on either side of the road. It was one of those mornings ..., I was walking rather fast as nothing had worked as per plan that morning. I had woken up late, neither could I prepare a decent breakfast, nor could I pack lunch and I was hurrying to get to a meeting scheduled at 11.30. It was about 10 past 11 while I was passing through that lane. I saw no one on that entire stretch as i entered that lane, just then i saw an old man step out of his door on the far end of that street and he was turning his head in both directions as if he was looking out for someone.It dint bother me as I was rushing to make it to the meeting on time, constantly looking at my watch. As I was nearing the old man , i could see him give me a smile and wait for me to get closer. Last thing I wanted was him to stop me as i knew i really had no time. Nothing else had gone as per my wish that morning, how could this!?. The old man stopped me and asked to look at his watch and read out the time for him. He said he had misplaced his glasses and was unable to read the dial on his watch. I read the time as quarter past 11 and he said "oh! I thought I had overslept , and felt as if it was well past mid-day , It is indeed a bright morning and thanked me with a pleasant smile. And that smile and the conversation kind of brought me back to ground, It slowed my steps and eased my tension. The morning which i had considered as a bad one until that moment turned into a special morning. Every time I pass by that road, I expect the Old man outside his door with a smile. I don't see him often but then I cherish the times I do.

Beginning of a new year, Am i late by almost 31 days in saying this?? well, it still is Jan 2006 and it is a beginning.A good year 2005, dint end very well though. The motto of the year was basically "When was the last time you did something for the first time?". So, the list goes like ..
1. Tried swimming for the first time , i never knew i'd njoy being in water and so much.
2. Picked up the art of Origami. It is such an escape for a stressed mind.
3. Got my first ever academic publication.
4. Got back to playing Professional Table Tennis after 7 long years( doesn't fit the bill of "first time" .. but the experience of getting back to something you loved and after a looong break fits in well)

5. Tasted Japanese food, one of the sushi bars in cardiff.

6. Actually invested time and money on a holiday. ( holidays all along have been to famous tourist spots, but this one was like spending time with yourself in a cottage by the sea side, not too many people around. will try and make a separate post on this one. One of the best things to have happened in 2005)

hmm cant think of anymore.. when i started the post i thought there were many more to go onto this list .. but .. it stops at 6 :(. Will continue with the same motto for this year too , it seems to be working well for me.

"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted."
-Albert Einstien

well, I've gone past another year. And boy!Do i count it?

With the passing of 2004, I've completed 15 months in UK, 15 months away from home,15 months of independent life, 15 months of invaluable learning, 15 months of yearning to get back home,15 months - a mixture of struggle, hard work, anguish, excitement,giving up,striking back.My long term dream of gaining a Masters fulfilled, my career goal has become clear and thankfully God has also given me my first break in this regard.
An obvious change which I can never discount is that -I had never before revered my identity as an Indian, as a Hindu like i did in the last 15 months.

Hmm New year's Eve? I had no plans, Had no mind to join friends who partyed thru the nite. It was not just Tsunami,but it was mixed feelings. Mind was not ready for celebration ; Actually was seeking some stillness. Had no clue what to do? Was having a late lunch at 5PM, I struck a conversation with my friend mona, and dunno how the thread went on to Mahabharata and the character of Bheeshma, What a strategist Lord Krishna was and more.Mona said she had the VCDs of BR Chopra's Mahabharata.No second thoughts, quickly decided to spend the New Year's Eve watching Mahabharata. The very same *ME* who had laughed at the Mahabharata lingo ("arya putra" and all that), made fun of patchy graphic work, poor production and what not was thrilled to watch it now. This time around, I could appreciate the content, the gravity of each character portrayed,how each one of these characters in a way gave answers to so many of my queries. I was down to tears when I saw Bheeshma take his "Akhanda Pratigya"(Vow) of celibacy for the entire life, and that he would never contend for the throne of Hastinapur , instead he would serve all the future kings of Hastinapur just like he served his father Shantanu. What strength of character?
I realized that this great epic, which is such an integral part of our history and tradition,cannot be appreciated fully, as long as I view it in the plane of thought that exists now. The society then was in a different conscious level all together. But, my mind says, I sure will read the entire scripture and make an effort in understanding the jist, sometime in the near future. This is not my new year resolution, its a wish of a new *me*.
Overall a good year, a year that i would remember in the years to come.Wish the coming year brings more and more of new experiences, learning and enlightenment.

I watched this movie julie [ being too curious about the rave reviews it has got!!] ..am not saying it is a very well done movie with great message and all that! But certainly it sparks off a few questions about the whole issue of prostitution and its impact on the society. Recently I read Salman Rushdie quoting "prostitution" is a must for a healthy society! Also read the maximum internet porno traffic is from Pakistan and middle-east [ apparently , both countries have a conservative society]. Hmm so i went on this rage of reading and researching on the origin of prostitution in India. And yeah it really was an educating experience.. I have often read prostitution being quoted as the oldest proffession.[ today, we question prositution being a profession] The exchange of sexual favours for money, prestige, or position has been recorded in epics, mythology, poetry, drama and in all forms of expression that try to convey the nature of relationships between human beings. But there is not much documentation i found on the origin of it! nor could I come to a comprehensive conclusion about its purpose. May be I'll continue my research..not to preach the society about it but to form my own opinion.
Actually ... my mind is also contemplating on the issue of capital punishment [ the whole episode of the Dhanajoy and the related debates ] But am findng it too heavy to record my views and opinions in writing! I'd have preffered to talk my mind out! Wish an audio version of LJ comes up sooon....

It has been quite a hectic period starting from May 10 upto 20 June. Sooo many things happening Exams, Interviews, Research applications, monthly budgeting hassles, lack of proper sleep.. am glad the period is over and on a good note. Wanted to update the journal for the last one week , finally made it on this sunday eve.
Gotta start the Job on 1 July. Very excited to get to work life after a year's break. hmm all said and done a return to student life was sooooo much fun , feel kinda bad to bid good-bye to Univ.
Am waiting to experience working in a British IT company. I hope i have a good time at work , good colleagues, good ambience and good work :).
Gopi, Thanks a ton for standing by me during the last month a half! I wish GOD makes me capable enough to reciprocate the kinda concern, care and support u have given me. I cannot but help feeling DAMN! proud for having you. I hope, I find a Boss! like you in my new company too. ;)

Ahem .. all my health and fitness craze has faded like it never existed! gotta get back to that! and regain the lost weight and charm.
Have watched sooooo many movies in the last one week , the number averages to 3 movies a day! Yeah , i always knew i was a movie freak , but had never realised my appetite for it :) I have never been into much of reading , or writing. All my knowledge, my capability to form opinions, my thinking springs from watching movies. I read roopa's journal quite regularly , she has an amazing art of writing.[ her writing is lucid, crisp and light on head ] keep it going roopa!!. Infact ever since I have begun reading her journal entries i have begun njoying *Reading* in general.
Will get on to reading more seriously. For the starters, I have picked up Paulo Coelho's " By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept" [ Ok , i flicked it from a friend ;) ] Since I have read Alchemist , I'm used to Paulo's writing. I flicked thru the first few pages of River Piedra , It seems more like a poetic rendering of a love story. Hmm will write more on it after i'm done with the book.

" Any suggestions of good books are welcome !!!"
I'm not choosy bout the theme. Anything and everything excites me as long as the writing is good! [ Well, i havent yet read enough number of books to have an opinion on what's good writing like.]
Ok , any book on scifi,history ,Astronomy, culture, philosophy, Love stories.. will do. I hope to get some valuable suggestions :)

Running out of fuel... will wind up now :)

Off late my blogging frequency has gone to dogs, Its not that i am breathlessly busy or something. Its not even that i do not have anything significant to update, infact have a mindful of things. Its not that i dont enjoy blogging any more. I even take off time to read my friends LJ entries , specally those of roopa's dhempe's vaibhav's , but dint still make upto updating my own.Whatz happening ??? :( [ is it laziness .. i prefer to believe it is not. ]

Well, lemme get out of this *CRIB* mode and actually get down to the act of recording.
At work , I'm busy with this Wireless Network simulator NS-2 , writing lotsa Tcl scripts and tweaking NS c++ codes. I tell u it sucks to debug the tcl scripts, given that Tcl scrpting is a real newbie to me.

Am beginning to njoy pastas and make good pastas, [ all becoz of this sexy hot pasta sauce ] a friend of mine has told bout nandoo's hot sauces,nandoo's is a brand which manufactures food products, specially african cuisine. they even own a chain of restaurants. she's been to one in manchester and have heard . they have real yummmm stuff
I've become a great fan of olive oil , i use it as a substitute for butter in most of my food and in my cooking. When it comes to skincare and hair care olive oil does a world of good!!

I watched Koi Mil Gaya , ohkay i watched it rather late , but i found it amazingly entertaining. Hrithik has certainly grown in the acting department and I like him all the more now ;)
I am reading Alchemist for the second time and am njoying every bit of it.

Yeah am also feeling very happy today ! coz i transferred some GBP into my INR account in bangalore [ first ever transfer ] thanks to gopi for making me feel good about it, rather proud about it. Y r u so terribly, horribly sweet gopi????? :)
I have a demo tomorrow with my Prof. I have this huge crush on Prof Nigel Linge .. i better come up with a smashing demo tomorrow to impress him ;)

Have i left out anything ... hmmmmmmmm, yeah a promise to myself " C'mon chitra, update ur LJ as often as u can , it after-all only makes u feel good ! "

Wednesday evening and the experience of total bliss. May be it is because , I finally made a begining with my jogging regime today.Woke up at half past six[record breaking! considering my recent reputation] , started with a brisk walk and graduated to a rhythmic jog for 30 mins. Went to the near by green patch park [ actually a football ground] which i have always gazed from my window but never really made it there, although just bout 200 metres away from home. Returned home feeling FRESH and Active !!! may be this fresh feeling has got transmuted into bliss by the evening and that is Y this feeling ..??
OR , May be this feeling is because of my visit to the Royal Manchester City Library today[got my membership today..]. Wow, what a building that one . Real old britain architecture , gave me that feeling of being in a palace of books. Spent about four hours there, but managed exploring only one floor of the library [ the health section,cookery section, Music section, Biographies , Videos and DVD section ]
Came home, thinking about the library, its collection and enthusiasm to return to that place as soon as possible to explore more of it. Had a nice meal and gulab jamoons for the dessert, and managed to have an afternoon nap! after really really long time . Ah! there I get it. It's actually this.

Whatever it is, I'm really spending a peaceful evening in my room , first of its kind in my life. Reading Network architectures and design Text book, with instrumental music in the background [ shashank's flute], sandal wood incense in the corner of my room, munching away haldiram's aloo bhujia to glory!!!

Wishing I could feel this way more often. [ getting greedy there ??!]

It is a chinese movie "Not one less! ". One of the simplest and realistic movies i have ever seen. Its about this young girl , who due to her crushing poverty is ordered to a remote village to be a substitute teacher. Barely older than her students, this shy girl is charged with keeping the class intact for one whole month or she wont be paid.The movie kicks of with some real-life rural school scenarios, kids really pranky , rude and nasty The way this girl takes charge of the situation and gains the affection of the kids is portrayed fantastically. Lessons, songs and games go on for a few days ,one trouble maker Zuan Heiw due to his family debts disappears into the city to find work. The teacher, however is determined and makes her way to the city to get the boy back. Her journey to the city and the lessons she learns and the way she traces zuan is very emotionally picturised and presented. I rate ths movie on par with the shawshank redemption or the likes. Yeah ! this one too talks about HOPE! unwaivering optimism and un-distracted focus on the target. I feel like writing more.. but kinda too emotional right now that words just wont flow. Will watch it again to critically analyze the movie and what in that movie makes it appear as a classic piece of art!
[ Cant help , but yield to the logical me :)....]

Installed Fedora core today ! It's fabulous. Just cant believe , its GOD damn easy to configure the sound cards and graphic cards. The available Desktop enrons are simple and elegant. Feel so relieved , if i think of those days when i would have a tuf time downloading the right drivers for sound on RH8.0 and RH 7.2. Worked on KDE and felt so much like home. I feel as if i am back to linux after ages while it has only been 7 months. Lots more to explore on fedora.. just cant wait. Gosh! gotta prepare for the training session tomorrow at the IT Base and this fedora thingy is distracting me like hell ...

Fedora my love ! Just wait for one more day ...I am entirely YOURS from tomorrow ;)

Think not you can direct the course of love, For love, if it finds you worth, directs your course.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love.

-- Khalil Gibran

Its 12.45 AM and am alive and kicking! cant believe this very *me* would be sleeping like a dead log at this hour most days! Dunno wats the motivation , but am doing things which i rarely do at this hour of the day[niight] like tidying up my room, watering my plant, listening to patriotic songs on http://www.musicindiaonline.com [Aye mere watan ke logon by lata .. giving me goose bums] doing online reading like politics, Indo-Pak series, Swati sani's homepage , jessy's marriage photos on LJ. Since I had a good meal outside for lunch ,i skipped my dinner , is that the reason for this hyper-energy state. God knows ?? although feels good to remain this way .. somebody give me an anti-excitment pill if any .. gotta preserve this energy for a long list of pending things i need to catch up with tommorrow....


Phsching myself .. "chitra! U R feeling sleepy..........."

yeah coming to the BEST part of the weekend , finally recievd Khalil Gibran's books which i had ordered on amazon 8 weeks ago! Couldnt wait to read them! " The madman - His parabales and poems" although not best presented..sets u thinking instantly. As it is wisely said " Wisdom is not in the words but in the meaning behind the words ". Its a small book of 70 pages. Must concede ,i shall read it over and over again untill i realise the authors motive and intent, untill i am able to see what Gibran saw while he wrote the book. Not an easy task .. but shall give it a try. Coz i 'm sure the exercise of re-reading's gonna be interesting even if i dont achieve what i have set to. As they say " Travelling is more exciting than arrival". Gosh! Am i really in a proverbial mood..!???

The other book "Beloved" have reserved it to be read a lil later, not the right book to read while i am preoccupied with project proposals, literature survey and all that.

Weekend was good becoz i took off from the part-time work i generally do in the weekends. A friend visited me from peterborough, had planned a lot of outing and roaming with him, but he turned out to be quite lazy to be adventurous and was preoccupied messaging his Brit girlfriend ;(.. no cribs though, coz he was quite entertaining while he was not smsing!
One more lesson learnt .. dont ever make rigid plans, more so, not with people u dont know too well. One good thing was that, we had a wonderful india meal in Rusholme! real yummy food that was. Dropped him off at the train station in the late afternoon and got back home hurriedly to open the parcel i'd recieved from amazon.co.uk ... had been waiting for it for ages. You dont know what a delight it is to recieve a parcel when you are away from home. Even if it is crap from some inconsequestial person , it meanse a lot to u and gives u that excitement at least untill u open it!

After experiencing work-life for three looong years, back to student life for the last six months. Yeah feels good and boring sometimes. Studying abroad takes it own toll in terms of having to eran your monthly expenses doing part-time work. Here I am doing customer service [ nothing to do with technology ..].Back in india i would have looked down upon choosing a non-technical job for and more specifically customer service. Initially, the idea of working as CSA [ customer service advisor] sucked, but actually after 6 months of working , i realise i have actually changed in more than one ways becoz of the job, like i sound a lot better on the telephones these days, i have become a patient listener, and yeah speaking to ppl and having an informal conversation comes easily to me. I smile a lot more these days although initially i had to force myself and pretend to smile. I thought someone said it right " You pretend to be something.. You'll be that way someday..good or bad!"
lessons and lesson, what an experience this.. staying away from home, studying, managing finances, working part-time, build your friends circle , manage social life in a foriegn land! Somebody back in india wanted me to go thru all of this and thats the reason he coaxed me into doing masters. What a villian he is !!??? [ not hinting at you! GG ]

gotta grab some food ! hungreeeee